My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
