tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
