You're so nebulous sometimes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
