Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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