I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
