I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
