dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
