I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
