you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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