Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
