so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
