My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Panties = found
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