He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
