ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
