I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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