I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
