My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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