so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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