Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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