He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
