I wish I could teleport
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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