he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
