All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The best revenge is premature balding
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drake has all the answers
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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