i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
