I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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