I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
