If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
