why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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