Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
