The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Randomize
