Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
