Cold hands, warm shart.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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