i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
