I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
