please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
