A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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