So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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