I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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