@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
