I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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