I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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