You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
