no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
