just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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