My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
