you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
