I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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