Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
