I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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