this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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