too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
