pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
