it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
