I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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