you guys were way drunker than both of me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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