You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
