I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
