Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
