sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
