OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
