She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
