the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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