I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
