but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
