The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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