And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
