I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
