Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
