apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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