I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
