i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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