new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
