he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
