I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
